Hopping on the Baby Train...Again!

I feel like half of my adult life has been trying to have a baby. After everything happened this summer I was feeling unbelievably defeated. I felt broken. About 2 weeks after the transfer, we found out the test was negative and about a week after that my period came. It last almost a week and a half. Worst cramps ever and lots of spotting afterwards. I never really thought much of it. Just that my body had been through so much and this was it's way of flushing it out.

Fast forward through November and December -- I never got a period. While this is something I always wished for, I was starting to freak out a little. I went to the gynecologist in January and she prescribed Provera. It started my period right away. She also did an ultrasound and everything looked fine.

February went by without anything then I got my period again the beginning of March. Not that anyone really cares about my cycles, but being fairly regular, this has weighed heavy on my mind. What the heck was going on?

My gynecologist suggested we get a second fertility opinion and, if anything, get answers as to why my cycles are going crazy. So here I am, right back at the beginning.

March 21, 2016

• Blood Tests
• Ultrasound- nurse said I was going to ovulate. Lining was about a 5.
• Met doctor for the first time and discussed a plan of action.- I left feeling really good. He said he wanted to try a less invasive approach to really see what is not working. I am actually really excited.

TIMELINE PLAN

1. Start Prenatal, CoQ10, and D3

    Nick start motility vitamin

    Nick go for semen analysis

2. Go in for ultrasound 1 week later to check for ovulation

3. Wait for period

4. Call with period to set up an office hysteroscopy

5. Day 3 of period- go for blood work

6. Day 4- Start Letrozole 2.5mg AM & PM (days 4-8)

7. Day 13- have sex

8. Day 14- ultrasound and post-coital test, consider insemination

9. Complete IVF orientation

10. Check into injectables 

March 28, 2016

• Blood Tests
• Ultrasound showed I ovulated and doctor predicts 22-23, lining was 7
• Progesterone was low- started progesterone AM & PM for 8 days
• Nick- completed semen analysis (nurse said it was "good")

Happy Easter!

You are loved more than you will ever know 

by someone who died to know you. 

Romans 5:8

We are finishing up a much needed spring break with Easter Sunday. We have been creating memories and celebrating traditions. While the little nugget is sleeping I thought I would take a minute to share some of our fun!

Trip to the mall to see the Easter Bunny....

 it didn't go over so well but little miss got a new pair of sneaks. Pink and black converse! LOVE!

Easter Egg Dying...

        

 Sunny Days...

A Day at the Orchard seeing baby chicks...

 Planting our Jelly Bean Garden...

The Easter Bunny Arrived...

Easter Morning...

Flashback Friday- Baby Journey Part 2

|| Embryo Transfer ||

Sometimes I think about the things Nick and I have been through to have a baby and I find it remarkable. I know there are some who go through so much more and for that my heart breaks.

Well, I made it through another school year. My baby turned one. And all was right with the world. Nick and I decided July was our month to transfer. Got my period at the end of June, called the doctor, and was told, "sorry you will have to wait to August because he is going out of the country for the rest of the month for vacation." I was freaking annoyed. (Red Flag #1)

Waited another month, got my period. Period was pretty light which was unusual but seriously I did. not. care. Called the doctor and started an Embryo Transfer cycle. I went in for day 3 blood tests and ultrasound and was given a prescription for all my meds. I was on injectable estrogen, baby aspirin, prenatal, and folic acid. If all went as planned my transfer would take place on August 14. During my visit, I also found out the main nurse who basically ran the office left. (Red Flag #2)

After about a week of being on the estrogen I went in to get my lining check. It was at about 3mm and needed to be at an 8-9mm. This was really bad news. And just like that the transfer was canceled until this progressed. (Red Flag #3) My estrogen scheduled was changed from every 3 days to every 2.

I went for another check a few days later and once again no change. Nothing. Nada. ZERO! (Red Flag #4) The Dr decided to mix it up and prescribed Viagra and Neupogen.

I went again for a check and was at 4mm. At this point the Dr. tried to explain how my lining was like "dead grass" and it needed to be fertilized in order to grow. It may take time and we just needed to be patient. OH and since it wasn't check with my originally blood test they decided to check my estrogen levels. (Why wasn't this done originally? Red Flag #5)

Shit basically hit the fan at this point. my levels were sky high. To the point the Dr was very concerned. I had to stop all meds and my levels were checked about every 3 days for 4 weeks. If that didn't piss me off. Each week I noticed the nurse was questioning me and the amount of estrogen I was taking. Basically, I messed up. - (Note: I am human and I make mistakes all the time. I can 99.9% say that when it comes to medication and medication I am injecting I made pretty damn sure I am giving myself the right amount to begin with.) (Red Flag #6-7)

At the end of September 2015, I went in for an ultrasound. By some sort of miracle my lining was 7mm enough for a transfer. I went back on the estrogen and followed the same dosage as previously told to me on the sheet of paper. We were so excited.

Now, let me just say, when people treat you like your are an idiot you feel like an idiot. When someone makes you feel like you did something wrong, no matter what, you are going to feel like you are screwing up. On September 24 we went in for our transfer. Two embryos from our original batch.

Do you see the Red Flags mentioned earlier in the post??? Well that was what was on my mind. I was stressed and frustrated.

I tried very hard to get in a good place.

I laid on the table. The Dr was frustrated with the nurse so they were bickering. The nurse couldn't get the ultrasound in the right place and because of where she stood Nick had to stand so far away he wasn't even next to me. As I watch the little embryos get sucked up into the catheter the nurse decided this was a great time to ask me how much estrogen was I taking. WHAT?!?!? FREAKING PISSED. That is what I felt in that moment. I told her I was taking the 1cc listed on the sheet.

Then she told the Dr. and they both basically start yelling at me that I was to be taking half the amount. And didn't I learn anything from the past few months. REALLY PISSED. -- on the table... I was on the table. Not 2 minutes from having 2 embryos placed in me.

It was an emotional 2 week wait that ended up with a negative pregnancy test. We were devastated to say the least. We (I) tried very hard to accept that we may only be a family of 3 but always question if there is anything else we can do. At the beginning of the new year (2016), we decided to seek a second opinion and made an appointment with a new fertility doctor. I have to say I am a little excited to just have some answers.

Flashback Friday- Baby Journey Part 1

When I was taking my graduate course one of my professors always said sometimes you need to take a step back in order to move forward. 

One of the reasons I stayed away from this blog was because I felt like I lost the chance to share. Time went by and retelling something that happened so long ago felt wrong. I even actually thought about starting a whole new blog.

After realizing this was completely insane, I decided this is MY place and this is who I am. I can do what ever I want with this. So, for a little while I am going to jump back into time on Fridays and share some of the things that have happened over the past year.

Baby Journey

Back in November 2014 I share our story of miscarriage. Unexpected pregnancy and with unexpected loss. You can read that post here.

In January 2015, I started to write the post below...

Oh the joys of baby making or lack there of. Since mid-November we have been on the roller coaster of dealing with a miscarriage. Getting pregnant naturally was unexpected but the miscarriage was shocking. Emotionally draining, I hoped this time having a planned D&C would make coping with everything easier. Unfortunately this was not the case.

The miscarriage ended up being a little worse then we originally thought, After the D&C, I went in for a post-op. Pieces of the placenta never naturally expelled. The doctor tried to take it out right there in the office but being pretty painful decided to give it another week. 

Another week went by. At this appointment, pieces were still in my uterus and at this point had to be removed to prevent infection and damage. The doctor numbed me up, dilated me, and tried again. This time a little more aggressively. Not fun at all!! He was able to get some more out and sent it to be tested.

About a week later, the beginning of December, I received a call from the nurse. The sample tested showed inflammation. This meant another D&C would have to be done. This surgery was so much more painful than the first.

I went for another post-op. During this visit the ultrasound showed the doctor was able to get everything. He said it was very difficult and was happy he had the ultrasound machine in the operation room. D&Cs are very hard on the uterus but having more than one only weeks apart is terrible. The concern is the build up of scar tissue which could make it hard to carry a baby in the future. The doctor decided to perform a hysteroscopy. This is a test where a scope is placed into the uterus to check out the lining. It can be slightly painful and since I have a pretty low pain tolerance we decided it would be done with some anesthesia. 

For about a month, I was on estrogen, antibiotic, then on the last week progesterone only.  

Post-Miscarriage..  

After the miscarriage, I went through pretty bad depression. I struggled to be in a place that was happy and content.  I struggled to be a good mom emotionally for Harper. Many nights I held her and just cried. It was so unfair to her. Their was also wall of tension between my husband and I that Nick was constantly trying to knock down.

At a certain point something shifted and I finally had control of my heart again. I can't really explained what happened but I was able to move forward. Nick and I decided to think about pregnancy again in the summer of 2015 and move on with the embryo transfer that we had planned on doing since the beginning. In the mean time, I decided to focus on myself, my husband, and my baby.

H E L L O ~ I'm Back!

It has been over a year! 

It is amazing how fast time goes by. So much has happened and I am looking forward to blogging again. I guess the question is, why did I walk away? Blogging was always a release for me. A place to share my feelings, my thoughts, and experience.  Almost like a therapy.

About a year ago my life seemed to be taking a tumble. I was trying to be something more, live happy, give my daughter everything, work but I was running into every obstacle. Time was not on my side and luck was definitely not with me either.  

Since the new year I have been searching for a way to help myself. This week it became clear. It's time to go back to something I know works. I have a lot to share and a lot going on. 

So...let's do this!!