Not the Best Night

Today was a rough. Two years ago this weekend,  Nick and I found our we were pregnant. We were shocked, unprepared, but so EXCITED. Two years ago this weekend I walked down to the basement where Nick was working out and told him I thought I was pregnant. He told  me to wait a few days (since my period was literally only hours late) but of course I ignored him and bought a test anyway. I secretly took the test and found our we were going to be a little family. This little story didn't have a happy ending. For two years we have been trying to start a family. TWO LOONNNGGGG YEARS!

Tonight we went to a friend's son's birthday. Of course we were the only people there without a child. Fine. BUT....there were so many pregnant women there. So many bellies in my face. Then everyone asking when we were going to start a family. It took everything I had not to let my tears stream down my face and make up excuses to why we don't have any. This is just as hard on Nick. When I tell him how I feel he tells me to tell myself..."Soon!" Trust me I do but nothing takes away the feeling of emptiness.

Also, there is a different status when you start a family AND before you have that we are looked at as the people who just don't get it.

Happy February!

Today is the first day of February. Just 28 days until my birthday!! That's about all of the excitement going on here. I am becoming quite obsessed with baby planning and getting into the mode of getting my classroom prepared for next year. A little cray-cray since there is no baby as of yet. : )

93 Days ~ until we call the doctor

Recently our doctor updated their IVF packages. The new price is $8000 for one fresh cycle and unlimited frozen cycles (which is new). I think Nick and I are going to go for the rest of our planning meetings (injection lesson, paperwork, counseling,etc.) during our spring break in March so we can figure out a definite schedule.

Oh and it has been a while since I have left a little quote...

You know you are progressing when you leave behind the old, and you embrace the new with a smile on your face and in your heart. ~ Suze Orman

Count Down!!

110 Days!!!

Fixing ME

I hate to admit things like this but I have been going through a rough patch personally. I can't exactly say why but I am depressed. Things upset me and make me so sad. Things that should not matter. My self-confidence is at a low. I am constantly evaluating my relationships with others and always feel terrible about it...like I am not being a good friend, not doing enough as a daughter and sister, not supporting and loving enough as a wife. These feelings all started sometime before Christmas so over the break I decided I needed to start focusing on myself again.

First and biggest change, I went in a completely different direction with my hair. Went from completely blonde to brown.

I went jersey-style and got french tip artificial nails.I started running on the treadmill 3 days a week to feel a little bit healthy. (Part of my New Year's resolution) Finally, I gave myself a little tan with a little self-tanner.I always feel better with a tan. 

Working on myself is huge this year but next on my list of living the best life is working on my relationships. So more to come for sure!!! 

Happy New Year!

12 THINGS I HAVE LEARNED IN 2012

1.  God does not give me than I can handle.
2.  Believe in myself to make good choices and succeed.
3.  Saving money is a possibility.
4.  I have the power to change a person's mood by smile and being positive.
5.  Reality television is very scripted.Who would have thought?!?!
6.  Decorating a house takes a long time when you have no idea what you are doing.
7.  I love being creative. I have learned to not be afraid to try different things out...recipes, projects, educational activities, jobs, etc.
8.  Sometimes having a picture perfect life is not a possibility.
9.  We all work at our own pace. I can't be like everyone else.
10. Appreciate every moment because things change so quickly.
11. It's O.K. to take a day to lay around in my pajamas all day.
12. Listen to those I love and keep my opinions to myself.


& 1 GOAL FOR 2013

I want to take this year to be the BEST me I can be. (Cheesy, I know!!!) I want to be....a healthy version of me today, a better friend, a better wife. It's time to focus on the most important things in my life...myself, my husband, and hopefully my little baby one day.

125 Days!!

You Gotta Have Faith

For Christmas my mom gave me a book called Thoughts That Can Change Your Life by Suze Orman. This past year has taught me a lot about myself. Most importantly it has once again reminded me of things I want to change and things I have not been focusing enough time on. At least once week I want to take a minute to visit one of these thoughts and reflect. It's time to live the BEST life!!

With faith, integrity, and courage, anything is possible.

~Susan Orman

Having faith and courage goes hand in hand. Sometimes it takes courage to have the faith needed to overcome the hard times. Especially when things have truly hit rock bottom or it seems there is no way things can get any better. When Nick and I found out that we actually had true fertility problems, and it wasn't something in my head, I felt like I had to have the courage to face this obstacle. To stand strong for my husband and fight for answers we needed in order to have a family. It took a little while for Nick to come to terms but overall the only way we made it through the last year was because we both had faith. Faith in the Lord, faith in each other, and faith that we are destined to have a family of our own. 

128 days

B.A.B.Y Countdown

Well, well, well...it sure has been a while. Things have changed yet stayed the same. Nick and I have made so much progress in our journey to have a child. I am super excited that we are getting so much closer.

Financially we are at a wonderful spot. Now it's all about timing. The countdown is on...

129 Days : )