Trying to Believe

Today was going to be the day I update on weeks 7 & 8 and I was going to introduce the chalkboard tracker. However, life has thrown me yet another curve ball.

Wednesday, Nick and I had a little scare that landed us in the doctor's office for an ultrasound. We definitely left with a little bit of an understanding about why the bleeding may be happening. Thankfully after that second incident Wednesday afternoon everything was great and seemed to be back on track.

My nightmare returned late Friday night. I went to the bathroom where I found more blood. The difference is  it has not really stopped. Although it is not enough to fill a pad and it is not gushing, the sight makes me shutter each time. I have also been having slight cramping which comes and goes. I have dealt with cramps my whole life and I wouldn't even consider these to be close to period cramps which is a very good thing. The last thing that is happening, and quite frankly, freaking me the eff out are the clots.

So, as I was planning on sharing awesome news of weekly updates, instead I am sharing this news that just sucks. Nick and I are SERIOUSLY trying to remain optimistic since the last view of our little bean was amazing. Heartbeat strong and growing away. I keep trying to remind myself that this is my body dealing with that second sac. Not quite sure how to physically deal with it all so I have basically put myself on a modified bedrest until things calm down.

I have the most amazing husband who is making this horrible moment seem like a hiccup. He is waiting on me hand and foot and reminding me every minute how our baby is fine. I know I said this before but I am truly blessed to have such a strong and incredible person by my side.

Before I go because I am about to lose it for about the hundredth time today, I am asking that if you are reading this, to please say a prayer for us. That our little bean will continue to be a fighter with everything that is going on and in two weeks we will see he/she wiggling away.

Thank you.

Love,

Jess

A Little Scare

Overall this past week wasn't that bad. I saw some friends at the beginning of the week, did a little shopping, and have been doing my best to relax as much as I can. 

On Wednesday afternoon, I went to the bathroom and as I was finishing up saw at least 1/2 tsp of bright red blood on the toilet paper. Well, this pretty much sent me over the edge. I did not have any cramping and after a few more obsessive wipes there was no more blood. My mind filled with terrible thoughts. I ran and called my nurse. 

In tears, I told Beth that I went to the bathroom, there was blood and that I was freaking out. She calmed me down and said she gets calls daily of bleeding and this is what happens sometimes in the first trimester. She mentioned how it might be the placenta and all they would recommend for this is bed rest. So, without really knowing what was going on, she made me an ultrasound appointment with the doctor for the next morning and put me on bed rest for the remainder of the day.

I went down to the basement where Nick was cleaning and told him I was bleeding and pretty much just lost it. I finally got myself together enough to tell him what happened and what the nurse had said. He hugged me over and over and told me how everything thing is going to be okay. 

I spent the rest of the day in bed with my feet propped up. I went to the bathroom over and over, of course, because that is what I do, each time looking to see and being so thankful when nothing was there. Besides the normal aches I had been feeling, I never felt any cramps.

In the middle of the night, I awoke feeling more achy than normal. The dull pain that was in my lower left side was also in my back. I got up to walk around to see if that would help and went to the bathroom. As I had done the hours before, I looked at the toilet paper and saw bright red blood. This time there were what looked to me to be some small clots. Back to bed I went, once again freaking out. 

I sat in bed uncomfortable and unable to go back to sleep. I just kept praying that my little baby was going to be okay. Nick woke up...thinking I was sitting up but still sleeping. Once he realized what was going on, he turned on the light, laid next to me rubbing my belly, and telling me everything was going to be okay. Eventually, I fell back to sleep. 

We had our appointment at 8:45. As we got closer I felt myself getting more and more nervous. 

The doctor came into the room and I told him about the blood and the aching in my belly. He of course asked a few questions and went right to the ultrasound. So, as expected my ovaries are still very large which is what is causing the pain. He explained how it is a smooth muscle and when a smooth muscle contracts it causes pain. Resting is about all you can do but he said in the next couple of weeks the ovaries should be almost back to normal. 

From there, he moved around and around which seemed like forever. Then he stopped. He didn't really say anything and although I saw something I wasn't sure. If that was the baby, I didn't see the heartbeat. All I kept thinking was why isn't he saying something about the heartbeat?? I finally asked if the baby was still alive...he quickly said "oh yeah" and showed me the heartbeat. He pointed it out and let me look at it for a while. Thank the Lord!!! I asked if everything looked okay and he said everything looked great. The baby is measuring 7 weeks 6 days. His only concern, which he didn't seemed too worried about, was that the baby's heart rate was very fast.

So what was the doctor looking at...he obviously looked at the baby but he was looking for the source of the  bleeding. Turns out there is another little sac. It is super small compared to the baby's sac. The doctor believes the bleeding was caused by the body taking care of this sac. He also believes the baby's elevated heart rate could be caused by what is happening with the other sac. Where did this sac come from because it wasn't there on any other ultrasound??

The doctor also did an internal check of the cervix to look for blood and there was nothing. No even a drop.  Then finally he requested was a urine sample just to rule out a UTI.

Everything looked normal and right where it should be. After giving me all this news, he basically took the dad approach and set me straight. He told me I really need to relax because I am too nervous about everything. He said when he is worried then he will give me something to worry about. He reminded me how I need to enjoy this. I of course started balling my eyes out because I know he is right. He handed me a tissue, reminded me of everything again and told me he would see me back in two weeks.

As I left the doctors office I made a promise to myself to enjoy the rest of this pregnancy because things are not going to go wrong. I need to relax and not stress out about every little things. Our little bean is healthy and growing just as it should. I feel incredibly blessed!! 

Our Little Bean Update- Week 6

How Far Along: 6 weeks 4 days

Total Weight Gain: (started @ 120) up 2lbs.

Maternity Clothes: Not yet

Stretch Marks: No

Sleep: I am EXHAUSTED!! I've been taking naps everyday and going to bed around 8 pm.

Best Moment the Week: Seeing our little bean at the ultrasound and seeing its little heartbeat flutter (122 bpm)

Movement: No

Food Cravings: Greasy foods and Pizza, Sweets, Water ice

Anything Making You Queasy or Sick: Meat

Gender: No Clue

Labor Signs: No

Belly Button In or Out: Innie

Symptoms: nauseous, bloated, boobs are tender, VERY hungry 

What I Am Looking Forward To: Our next ultrasound at 8 weeks.

Week 6- Heartbeat

Today was an amazing day. I am currently 6 weeks and 4 days. We had another ultrasound and saw our little bean. I call it that because it truly looked like a little bean. We went from seeing a black sac with nothing last week to this week where we saw this little itty-bitty with parts that looked like a head and legs. On top of this amazing sight we saw a little flutter...the heartbeat. It was beating 122 bpm which the doctor said was wonderful. They usually look for 90-110 around this time.

My ovaries are still enlarged and he said this is something I definitely need to keep in mind. My right is around 6cm and the left is still a little larger but is also sitting right on my bladder. I also asked the doctor about my pregnancy symptoms changing day to day and he said this was completely normal. Overall, the doctor was very pleased.

We will go back for our next appointment on July 1st for another ultrasound.

My heart is full of such joy and I feel so blessed to have such a miracle growing inside of me. I am in LOVE!!

Week 5- Continued

Symptoms:

• My boobs are tender but do not hurt as much as last week.
• My stomach continues to look like I am 4 months pregnant.- Damn ovaries!!!
• I am so tired. In the morning I feel pretty good by lunch I am ready for a nap. During the week I am in bed by 8 some night and on the weekends I can take a nap for hours.
• Digestive issues- gas pains from time to time but also some indigestion and acid reflux
• Lower back pain- anytime I lay down I get a terrible pain at my lower back right at the top of my butt

Medication: I am and will continue on 1cc of Progesterone until 12 weeks. In addition, I continue to take a prenatal vitamin and folic acid once a day. 

Nervous: 

• Nothing much. Just the changes from week to week in my body. Some days I feel nothing and the next I will feel everything.

Upcoming Appointments:

• Wednesday, May 19: Week 6 ultrasound- View the baby. Make sure the baby is developing on schedule.

Week 5- A Little Sac

This has been an incredibly busy week. The school year is over and I plan on relaxing and nesting for the next three months. I have a lot of catching up to do...

Nick and I went to our first ultrasound appointment on Wednesday. I was told I was 5 weeks 4 days. I didn't really know what I was expecting to see. The chance of twin was definitely there but I was mostly full of nerves. 

When we arrived I was called back and had my LAST set of blood work taken. Thank the lord I can have my veins back!! (All blood work came back looking great. My BETA was 10978.) 

Then we waited for the nurse to call us back into the room. It seemed like forever but finally our name was called and we were taken back.  The doctor greeted us and once again said how high our numbers were and basically said, "let's see how many we have in there." He inserted the ultrasound wand and on the screen all you could see were giant follicles. My ovaries are still enormous and the doctor actually commented on this. I don't think think he was thrilled but he didn't raise any concern. He said there isn't much I can do beside what I am doing already but he did say that the pregnancy hormones are probably contributing to the swelling.

So around and around he moved and we weren't seeing anything. Not that we were looking at an empty uterus, it was that we couldn't find the uterus through these GIANT ovaries. The doctor explained that the ultrasound waves have to travel through them to get to the uterus. After much angling and re-angling, we did see one little sac on the screen. As soon as he tried to zoom in on it though the resolution distorted. He said because the ovaries are large there could be another sac hiding but he didn't think it was likely and was very happy with ONE little bean growing inside me!!! 

I was crazy nervous at this appointment and it was written all over my face. The doctor took an extra 15 minutes just to talk to me. He said it is very early so it's not the time to go around and tell everyone we are pregnant but he has really liked my progress so far. I expressed my concern about my miscarriage and he reassured me that there is a major difference between the natural process of any egg and sperm coming together and how they actually took the best of both. He actually called our embryos the "Embryos of the Month." I left the appointment feeling pretty confident and excited but I don't think I will be completely set until we actually see that little bean growing. 

Grant Me the Strength...

Oh my goodness....this waiting and waiting and waiting for everything in this process is seriously driving me crazy. I know everyone says, "stay positive" but honestly that is easier said than done. Each time we meet a goal and have good news, I am instantly on cloud 9. I feel like this is it. Nothing can stop us from having our babies. But then the reality of life sets in for me. I put the brave happy face on for my husband but all I really keep thinking about is the possibility of all this happiness coming to an abrupt stop.

It makes me feel like a horrible person like I don't believe in our little creation like if I don't stop feeling this way I am going to cause something to happen. I hate it!!! I analyze everything. Everything little twinge, ache, pain, and symptom. I just need answers because this waiting is driving me nuts.

4 more sleeps and we will be going to see what's been growing inside of me. EEEK!!! I CAN'T WAIT!!!

"Lord, grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

4 weeks

Warning: Some of this information is a little much. Sorry!!: )

It is still really early and besides the blood test we have not received any visible confirmation but I wanted to document some of the symptoms I have been feeling so far. The progesterone has caused a lot of symptoms that are identical to early pregnancy symptoms but as of Saturday I started to notice some changes.

Symptoms:

• My boobs were already swollen and sore but they started to change shape and become more round. The nipple seems to have expanded and they have developed these white dots that almost look like white-heads.
• My stomach continues to look like I am 4 months pregnant.
• I have new white discharge. (Sorry, gross I know.)
• I have been waking up fine in the morning and having trouble going to sleep but NEED to take a nap after dinner. I have also felt more exhausted in the afternoon to the point where I feel like I could close my eyes and sleep.
• Nausea usually in the morning hours. 

Medication: I am and will continue on 1cc of Progesterone until 12 weeks. In addition, I continue to take a prenatal vitamin and folic acid once a day. 

Nervous: 

• I have slight pulls in my abdomen which are sometimes like dull pain. Nothing like cramps. The nurse told me this is my ovaries because they are still very swollen. She reminded me that I need to continue to be very careful with my activity to prevent them from twisting. 
• When I went for my blood test one of the nurse told me that at the next ultrasound they will look at the placement of the embryos. I have never heard of such a thing so of course I Googled. This is to make sure the embryps have not implanted some place other than the uterus. This is rare but of course now I feel like every pain is really to something not in the right place. 

Upcoming Appointments:

• Wednesday, May 12: Week 5 ultrasound and blood work- View the sacs and the placement. This is the ultrasound where they will be able to see if there is one or two.

It's Official!!!!

WE'RE PREGNANT!!!!

I took a pregnancy test at 11dp3dt (Saturday) which came back faint but the line was definitely visible. On 12dp3dt (Sunday), I woke up super early to take another test which showed they same type of line. I wasn't satisfied with the results so I went out and bought two more tests, a First Response and a Clear Blue Digital. I took them as soon as I came home and they both came up positive. Finally, just for good measure, on 13dp3dt (Monday) I took the two remaining tests I had in the packs from Sunday....and they both came up positive.

        

                               Happy Dance...but not official!!

On Tuesday at 7:45 I had my official pregnancy blood test. It was a quick and easy session but had to wait a few hours for the results. At 11:00, the nurse called as said,

"Everything looked great and was definitely positive. The number was really high, which is great. It was 434. We are going to have you stay on the same medication and see you back next week."

IT'S OFFICIAL!!!!

Holy Shit!!! 434!!! That is super high. I am not sure what it means exactly but I know that it is high. We are BEYOND thrilled with this news. I can't believe it....we are going to have a baby!!!!!